The Chocolate Altar

It is an undeniable fact, getting married and have kids is one of life's main goals. To built a family, send off your child to school, getting a peck kiss before heading to work and of course, coming home, knowing, that there'll be a beautiful lady, and cute little children, waiting on the dinner table, for you to say du'a/grace and have the final meal of the day. It is an ideal life, dreamt by every man and woman, regardless of race, nor status, it's a fairy tale, that can be reached, but, as any other fairy tales, it will not be easy.

Barney Stinson, author, The Bros Code

Right now, I am 21 years old, surrounded by friends between 20-24 years. And, the most discussed topic among them, that I had noticed, is about marriage. Those with partners always think and plan for their perfect wedding, and those without, were anxious about their future, afraid that they gonna end up living alone, without anyone by their side. For me, that is normal, a teen thinking about becoming an adult, to hold responsibility, to prove the world, that they could. And, this is added by the "trends" of their friend that had tie the knot in their early 20s. But, there's some issue that this young adult never (or don't want to)  think of; sustaining the marriage, keeping the rice bowl full, ability to guide the family into the right path, and of course, the life before and after marriage.

Before I go any further, I would like to make a position statement, I'm not floccinaucinihilipilificating marriage (damn, it felt good to use that word), but, what I don't agree on, is the act of rushing into things, as such, getting married in an early age, without thinking or even considering the consequences of doing so.

1) Financials

This will be the main issue in marriage, surviving as a couple will be different than living alone. For some unknown reason, a single guy and a single lady can live happily alone with the money they've made. But, if the two same persons, joint together, despite having the same amount of money, it will usually be not enough. That's a fact.

Secondly, wedding. As all of us dream of, we want to have a magical wedding, a place where you're a Raja Sehari, the spotlight will be on you, and of course, you want to give the very best for the guest, to get their nice impression on you (typical Malaysian attitude). But, there's one problem, do you really think that you can afford such wedding (or even an ordinary one), after you've graduated? Yes, it won't be a problem if you have a millionaire/billionaire in your family portrait. But then, putting myself in the shoes of the anak jutawan, I don't think I'll be taking money from my parents for my wedding, it's my wedding, and spending my own money for it will be my first step in proving that I can handle a family of my own. For me, if you can't even pay for your wedding, I doubt that you can sustain your future family and I might as well said your family's future.

2) Pre-Marriage Enjoyment
Everyone have that one thing that they want to do in life, on which, not doing it, will left your life incomplete,for me, I'll like to travel from Penang to Moscow, by land public transportation alone, and for the socially-retarded, they might choose to have a sex tour across the world. No matter what it is, do you think you can achieve all of those life's dreams after getting a wife? I don't think so.

Some might argue with me, saying that, after marriage, you can just let go those things. No, I don't think so. If you got married in such a young age, seeing all of your singles friends can have a lot of fun,it will somehow "induce" you to do the same, and if you're unlucky (on which, in most cases, you will be), the wifey will not be happy with it. And, based on a research, this is one of the main causes of divorce cases among the young couples, when the husband/wife are still not able to accept the transition from living alone to having a partner well, on which, they'll be trying out new things that shouldn't be done by a married person, thus, causing dispute between the couple.

So, what is the point of getting married if you can't keep the boat afloat? I had heard stories from a few of my friends, that they have friends that already a widow in the age of 19 or 20. And please, don't think janda muda will be "marketable", that only applies in the old Malay movies. I rather have a fresh fruit than pickles.

Thus, the idea of getting married when you're already "mature" ( I don't want to use the word old) might be a good idea, 30 something is good enough. So that, at least, you had discovered a few of life's treasure, and you may say "I do", without any remorse.

3) The One
For any of How I Met Your Mother fans, I bet you're familiar with Ted's quest in finding The One. Yes, it seems hard, but you're looking for The One, on which, as the name suggested, there's only one of it.

Life is just like a buffet in a five-stars restaurant, everything there are nice, but, you'll not simply ate the first food as much as possible, you'll have to make way to the other meals as it might offers something better to your palate than the first few. And this is also one of the main reason of divorcement, when one of the partner found someone that suits him/her the best. Some might said divorce is not a bad thing, but, looking at it again, it can cause major problem especially if you already have a kid.

So, why rush? Just slow down, and wait for the future to take you to your destination. Like I said, life is a buffet, take it slowly, because, you don't want to be regretted when you found the Crème brûlée after having plates of steaks that you think were the best.

4 ) Leading a Family
This is the most important aspect to be taken under consideration, especially for guys. In Islam, a husband plays an important role in guiding the family, in building a family that adhere to the true meaning of Islam. For me, it's better if we take our time to gain knowledge on family building, on religious and child management first before having our own family. Don't jeopardize the fate of our family, or our son and daughters due to our own ignorance and impatience. Wallahu'alam